Fitting Traditions

I'm skipping around the house singing right now, "My mom is coming over! It's time for a closet assessment!" There are two types of people in this world: those who think cleaning out closets is a chore, and those who consider this project one of life's most satisfying events. Mom and I are in the latter camp. We’ve developed an unconventional tradition of Mother-Daughter bonding time reviewing my clothing collection. This spring, Mom’s visit has special significance. Now fully vaccinated, she is coming over for the first time in over a year. 

What are some traditions you’ve missed? Many of us felt a deep social loss when the pandemic caused stress on our relationships. As restrictions begin to lift, we are nostalgic for familiar routines. “When it comes to rethinking traditions,” says Todd B. Kashdan, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at George Mason University, “we have a bias to stick with the status quo.”

Some traditions are born out of necessity. I live in an older home built in the 1960’s and to say my closet is the size of a shoebox isn't as much hyperbole as it is slight exaggeration. So, I keep out-of-season clothes in the basement and, seasonally, I switch things around. I’m lucky to have a creative and fashionable mom who is willing to help.

Everything I know about the art of organizing a clothes closet, I learned from my mom. For as long as I can remember, Mom has rolled up her sleeves and offered her advice. First, we empty the closet and then I try everything on. But where Marie Kondo asks, "Does it spark joy?" Mom doesn't stop there. She is more ruthless in her interrogations.

"Is it in good condition?"

 "Nope." Goodbye sweaters with pills clinging like unwanted hitchhikers.

"Does it fit?" 

"Nope." Goodbye heels that pinch and that little black skirt. Anything too tight. “But maybe if I lose five pounds…”

"No." Mom says if I can't or don't wear clothing for whatever reason, it only adds stress. "Say goodbye to that shirt you ‘keep meaning to’ iron. And you know you don't iron, Allison. So please stop buying clothes that need to be ironed."

Every year, I swear I'm going to start ironing. Until this year. This year I’m emerging from the pandemic with a clearer sense of my values and realizing that time in front of an ironing board is not one of them. “During these transitional points, our inclination is to seek stability,” Kashdan says, “when, psychologically, we can do whatever we want.” We can use the pandemic as an opportunity to rethink traditions we’ve outgrown in exchange for better alternatives…like wrinkle resistant clothing.

And so, we toss clothes into the donation bag. Goodbye suede boots that slump and slouch by mid-afternoon like my posture. Goodbye cute dress that would be perfect for cocktail parties I never actually attend.

"Get rid of your mistakes.” Mom says. “So what if they were expensive? Or gifts? Or if the tags are still on them? Give them away. Give them the opportunity to be someone else’s treasure."

After clearing the unwanted items out of my closet, the fun part begins. I like to look "pulled together" as Mom says. “When you look good, you feel good.” Mom is a genius when it comes to putting clothes together in new or unexpected ways. "Oh, those pants, that deep cabernet color is gorgeous! Try those with the black and white loafers--so sharp!"

As I hang the last few items in my now organized closet, it occurs to me that, like my wardrobe, traditions can also be updated. We must edit out things that don't suit us anymore, let go of the things we’ve outgrown, and find the things that are important to keep.

My poem How To Clean Out Your Closet was published by Silver Birch Press. 

IMAGE: Coat Hanger II by Jasper Johns (lithograph, 1960).