My Baby Moved to Baltimore

It seems forever ago and just yesterday that we dropped Jack off for his freshman year at college. My baby. College. I was overwhelmed with an enormous swelling of pride and a feeling of faith that Jack would soon be thriving and experiencing new possibilities. Mixed in with these emotions were a combination of terror (my baby! How will he ever survive without his mommy?) and grief (my baby! I miss him already). I remember distinctly sobbing as we drove back up Route 95 without him. Even though he was just a short drive away, this new life—college!—felt so distant, so full of unknowns. And he would not have me there by his side—he would have to figure out challenges and obstacles alone.

Of course, he wasn’t alone. He was soon surrounded by new friends, professors, and coaches who loved and supported him. He studied (sometimes). He figured things out. He navigated through the “new normal” of the pandemic. He learned. And he graduated.

After graduation, he came back home to live. From a financial standpoint, it made sense for Jack to save up a little money. From a mothering standpoint, I had my baby back! Not only could I create my own “to do” lists, I could also micromanage the adult living in my basement! This may come as a great shock to you, but Jack was not as appreciative of my efforts as I thought he would be. In fact, he did not seem to appreciate them at all. He saw my “mothering” as “smothering.” Despite this, I could not let go of the idea that he needed me. Who else would remind him to take out the trash on Thursdays? Who else would remind him to make a dentist appointment? How could he possibly know when to change the oil in his car without me?

Earlier this month, Jack started a new job and moved to Baltimore—Big changes! Again, I sense those feelings of terror, pride, grief, and faith. Again, I have to trust that it will work out.

On Saturday, he called to say hi. “I had a productive morning. I crossed seven things off my list.”

My baby made a list?

My baby crossed things off the list?

“What was on the list?” I asked.

He rattled off a few items. “I went to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, got my oil changed.”

My baby got his oil changed. All by himself.

“I’m heading out with some friends,” he told me. “I love you.”

Maybe he doesn’t need me as much anymore, but he loves me.

And I love him right back.