I Am A Writer

 

I feel more friendly when I am writing, nicer to people, much more generous, also wiser.

                                                        --Toni Morrison

When do you become a writer? Define yourself that way? Introduce yourself at cocktail parties, swirling a glass of cabernet as you breezily mention, "Oh, I'm a writer." Well, first of all, I’d have to attend cocktail parties, which I don’t. I'm a bit of an introvert and I don’t really like wearing mascara. And second, I have a "real job." I am a teacher, which is probably the occupation I’d share at said mythical cocktail party.

Do you have to be paid to define yourself as a writer? Log a certain number of hours hunched over your morning pages or your computer screen? What if one of the main responsibilities of your job is writing?

I wrote a blog for ten years and I still didn't consider myself a writer. 262 blog posts over 120 months. Still not a writer.

I taught writing to my students. Every afternoon we sat down together for writing workshop, crafting our personal narratives. Still not a writer.

I published my first book, There’s Spaghetti on MyCeiling: And Other Confessions of A Reformed Perfectionist, and could not bring myself to say I was a writer. As I looked at the publishing checklist, I kept thinking, "These are things that REAL writers do."

Hello?

You. Published. A. Book.

Aren't you a REAL writer yet? 

It’s silly, really, the way we limit the way we define ourselves. As if, “teacher” and “writer” can’t live simultaneously in my brain. In her book Becoming, Michelle Obama said, “Now I think it is one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child- What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that's the end.”

So, here goes:

I am a writer. 

No, my book hasn’t topped the best seller list. My blog hasn't gone viral. That's okay. In my book, I said, "I am still going to be a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, teacher and friend. I am still going to be a Girl Scout leader, Sunday School teacher and running coach." 

These labels are all true, and all good. But what I realized is that each of them reflects my relationships with others. Through writing, I am discovering who I am to myself. Writing is for ME. 

I am a writer.

In the beginning, the paper is a place for rambling, scattered thoughts. They roll around on the page where I can see them. Gradually an idea takes shape, growing and developing. Soon I have lost track of time, giddy with excitement as my words come together like a puzzle, first outlining the edges, and then the shapes, until finally I lock the last piece into place. 

I am a writer. 
 
I choose my words carefully--pretty ones, sweet ones, feeling the words on my tongue before they touch the page. That one is bitter. This one tastes like childhood. The dictionary and thesaurus are old friends. Writing is more than communicating—it is my creative outlet. For me, the fun is not just telling a story but considering how to tell the story. 

I am a writer.

When I share my writing, I share a small part of myself. Maybe something I wrote made you think or laugh out loud. Maybe you learned something new or found we have something in common. Through the years, I discovered that writing makes me happy. 

So then, I am a writer.